Conviction over Emotions.

A little of history I was brought here illegally at the age of 6 and to be honest that shaped my view of authority & government. In the words of the people around me, you don’t have an opinion, your voice doesn’t matter just know here you are not wanted and saying something could cause them to send you back. At the age of 6, I learned to hide who I was and where I came from in fear of being separated from my family.

These voices would echo every time I was faced with both opportunities & challenges. I was not important and I should be grateful to be here to keep my head down and not draw attention to myself. I can recall as a child being invited to the White House for my academic achievements and my mom would say consider yourself lucky to be nominated but this is not something you can do.

I had given myself to the buzz of the media comparing Trump to Hitler & painting Hilary as the lesser of 2 evils. In my spirit, I knew that pro-life was the right choice but my emotions & feelings because of my situation tainted my view. I remember some family members asking me who they should vote for and the question knocked the wind out of me. It was a trick question it had to be why else would they ask me. My response was let me pray about it and I will let you know when I hear from the Lord because if I am being brutally honest my fear would’ve at that moment given in and said I want to stay here so vote for Hilary. At this point in time of my life I knew very basic things about government and to be honest I was clueless about how it impacted our states & cities but I knew it was important.

I remember being at home the next day everyone was gone and I knew I had to pray and ask God but just the thought of it made me cry. I crawled into my couch in a fetal position and wept while I asked the Lord what is your heart and what do you have to say. Instantly I heard a very calm voice “ When in doubt always choose life and as for your legal status remember I am still on the throne, I am the author of your life and your destiny & I am not finished with you here.”

It seems like hours that I cried and just let him embrace me because although I knew what as right I knew there was a price to pay when it came to speaking up and voicing my support for Trump.

I share all of this because it has now been 4 years and fear has kept me from writing about that experience. Not only because of the support for President Trump but fear of offending my friends who believe differently than me. I had a friend recently tell me she almost unfollowed me because she couldn’t take the abuse I endure on social media when it comes to addressing politics. She said I know you can hold it down & you are so good at defending yourself but I can’t deal with the very people I see in church every Sunday hugging you and smiling at you go into your comments and talk to you like you are less than a piece of trash. The harsh reality is that the church itself has lost sight of the most important commandments Love the Lord your God with all of your heart and love your neighbor as yourself.

We are operating out of apathy and it has become taboo and almost a crime to believe different than someone else. As for me, I choose to love you the same regardless of what you believe because my experience is not your experience and neither do my convictions have to be your convictions. The Lord has given us the right to choose and have free will. In this season of my life, I am learning to live a life fully yielded in obedience to him but also to be full of the love that compelled Jesus to heal the soldier that came to arrest him & cry out for the forgiveness of the very men that beat him and crucified him.

This is in no way intended to say that if you feel you have heard otherwise from the Lord you are wrong it is simply a retelling of my encounter & the journey that set me on fire to see changes in the land through the government. The journey that has bought me to a new place of healing from the broken places in my life that silenced my voice and the invitation for a greater measure of love that I have been walking out.